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FREAK BABY

Posted on 2010.09.09 at 18:52
Current Location: chillin with the little grandma type lady
Current Mood: awakeawake
This morning Dad called to check in with the little grandma type lady. She told him everything is just fine, and that I've been no trouble at all. Dad told her to hold the phone by my ear, and when she did he said " Hey, Jella I miss you mate." " Tom, Sam and I have had quite the adventure on our way to see your mum." " I'm sorry you couldn't come with us this time, but I bought you a new cat toy in Santa Fe, and another in Houston to make it up to you." Then he said for me to be good, and that him and Mom would see me soon.

I really miss my parents.  I miss Dad playing the guitar and singing. I miss Mom making the house smell good with freshly baked pies, and giggling when Dad comes up behind her to kiss her on the neck. I miss all of us snuggling together on the sofa, and I miss Mom and Dad taking turns reading to each other from their favorite books.

The little grandma type lady likes to read, and sometimes she reads out loud because it helps her step inside the story, at least  that's what she says, even though I've never seen a human go into a book and then come back out.

Tonight she got out Mom's copy of Breaking Dawn and read through quite a few chapters, before we both fell asleep. It wasn't long after, and I was off in the land of dreams. Mom was laying on a table as a fountain of blood spouted from her mouth. Dad ripped her tummy open with his teeth and pulled out a female creature that had a human's body, a cat's head and huge sharp teeth.

Mom started crying happy tears and said " Look Jella, your sister is beautiful just like you." Then Dad placed the creature in mom's arms and it bit a small chunk of mom's chest right off.

Dad flung the creature across the room away from Mom, but it got up super fast and came back to bite some more. The creature bit me, it bit Dad, and it even bit the nice little grandma type lady.

Finally Dad gave the creature two hot pockets, a cold beer, Flamin Hot Cheetos and some cat nip which seemed to make it very happy. Dad told Jake who is part dog, part shark and part human to take the creature away, make some sort of print on her and never come back. Jake agreed, but said he'd like to make a print on me too. He was looking at me funny and seemed to enjoy petting my ass.

Jake made me very uncomfortable so I tried to run and hide under the sofa, but he caught me, kissed my nose, and told me I had amazingly beautiful eyes for a cat.

Suddenly Mom said she was hungry and started to chase the little grandma type lady around the room. Dad stopped her and said " No, love you can only eat animals, remember?" Then Mom looked at me, smiled and came towards me licking her lips. Dad grabbed me, and the freak baby with huge teeth, plopped us into Jake's arms, and shoved us out the door. 

I woke up to the sound of the little grandma type lady laughing at something funny on TV. I jumped back up onto her lap, and allowed myself to relax, forget about the freak baby, forget about the strange dude named Jake, and forget about my mom wanting to eat me.

I know it was just a horrible dream, but I definitely won't be putting up a fuss , if I can't stay with Mom and Dad while they're filming 'Breaking Dawn.' I've also decided they can take all the time in the world, with bringing home a human sibling as well.

Until next time,
~ JSP


Comments:


oomarzioo
oomarzioo at 2010-09-10 14:57 (UTC) (Link)

Brilliant!

Oh God it was just awesome! So hilarious! "He was looking at me funny and seemed to enjoy petting my ass." lmao; pure win!
hluvsdogs at 2010-09-10 20:24 (UTC) (Link)

Hilarious!

So effin funny... I love Jella and this blog!
goldensym
goldensym at 2010-09-12 22:02 (UTC) (Link)
ROFL oh shi. this is hilarious. poor jella, haha things will be ok
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